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The text from this page is taken from and
old note I wrote about myself on another world a very long time ago (my
account is almost 10 years old there), but I think the text is still pretty
applicable, so I'm just going to paste it in here and edit it and add to
it where it makes sense:
Hello. If you're reading this, it means you care about the real life
behind the reality of There.com, that you're interested in or curious
about my Real
Life (RL) shape and what it means to me.
I hope that you can take this well, and I hope you know that I truly care
about what I write here. This is important, and it's true, true even in
Real Life. I want you to know it, which is why I have written it down here
for you to read.
In real life, I'm a transgendered intersex person with a strong tendency
to prefer girls in my bed over boys (though I have made exceptions from
time to time).
Here, on There.com, I'm female, because I don't get a choice after
the first one, and the first choice I made half in foolishness and
half in earnest. Just so you know, I've asked
There.com to allow all players to be able to switch genders on their
avatars whenever they
want to. This I'll probably do if I'm given the choice, but as you
probably already know, there's no guarantee that There.com will give
you everything you ask for. Partly my choice of gender for my avatar
is to keep people guessing, and to keep people aware of how my gender
identity is not standard.
As
I said before, in real life,
I'm a transgendered
(definition soon) intersex activist.
Here and in real life, I play with gender roles, talk with people about
why i do it, and encourage others to experiment, play, wonder at, and question.
'Transgendered' means that I defy conventional, 'normal' and traditional
gender roles. I have good biological reasons for my convictions and behavior,
but even without them, I believe I would still do this activism, this defiance
of normal expectations.
My trangenderism is different from being transsexual - I am not interested
in changing from one extreme gender role (masculine or feminine) to another.
Transgenderism is also different from being tranvestite - I don't fulfill
myself by dressing as a gender I'm not. What I do is generally dress (in
RL) androgynously, or at least without regard to gender. When I can afford
to, I design my appearance so it's difficult to tell at first glance what
my gender actually may be. So I usually wear unisex clothing, encourage
my slightly rounded hips to show, I'm growing my hair long, but usually
wear it tied back, I proudly show my adam's apple, my broad shoulders...
I don't intentionally make any particular set of aspects of me live up
to one gender role or another.
I should note here that it's been a while since I originally wrote
this note and one of the changes that's happened since then is that
I've stopped
being able to always dress androgynously at work. I have switched from
a very conservative business environment to a more casual, but these
days I usually dress in a business-casual masculine way at work (my
wardrobe
still hasn't really adjusted from the formal business I was in several
years ago), then change to my preferred dress during off-times.
Finally, biologically, I don't really have a great deal of choice.
Biologically, I am transgendered.
I am neuter. Where
a normal female has XX chromosomes and a normal male has XY chromosomes,
I have XXY chromosomes. I have a penis, yes, but also breasts (small
ones).
I have hormone levels that are between men's and women's average levels.
Because of the hormone levels, my testicles are smaller than they usually
are for normal men -- a condition called hypogonadism. I get emotional
PMS, in cycles that are in sync with the women I live near. I've had
a biopsy for gynecomastia, a benign cystic growth in my nipple (which
some
doctors say is a 'woman's' disorder). My body is long and thin, but
some people say it looks boyish while others say it looks girlish.
My skin is soft and smooth, because I have high estrogen, which makes
me look younger than I actually am (and lets my skin look absolutely
gorgeous in black and white photography). I have so little facial hair
that I only need to shave once every few days.
Culturally, sociologically, I was raised masculine for about 19 years
(but in a very feminist household - my parents have no problem with
my transgendered
idenity, nor my sexual identity). By then, my XXY chromosomes were
diagnosed and I began seriously digressing from my 'destined' gender
role. I've done
scholarly studies on gender roles, including a minor in Women's Studies
(no majors were available at my college). By now, through my queer
connections, I'm involved in dialogue with other transgendered activists
around the
world. These are my issues and they are why I am so thoroughly open
with you now.
Sexually, I am "omnisexual". I used to call myself bisexual
until I realized that there were more transgendered people than just
me, and
that they were sexually attractive as well. On There.com, I might be
casually sexual. In RL, I am in a long-term relationship with some
negotiable boundaries.
It
turns out that I'm behaviorally very heterosexual (if we assume for
a moment that I'm masculine)... I am bisexual, yes, but largely I date
and am sexual
with girls much more than boys.
This is all of me that matters here. Please, if you've any questions at
all, ask them. This is meant only to be foundational. I've said these words
so often that it seemed like a good idea, finally... to have the foundation
written where you can read it. You, the curious, the compassionate. I hope
the words find their way to your understanding and acceptance.
Text last updated 11/8/2003, for my participation in There.com.
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